Off the path just for a bit

So I mentioned on Facebook that I'm off the path again. Well, that's with conditions.

One week ago today I had 3 medical procedures done. They were all pretty invasive, so I'm still recovering. I've been rebuilding my strength so I've been afraid to eat less. Well that's all done. I started back on the plan today. Don't know if or how much I may have gained. I don't plan on weighing in for at least another week.

So, I'll of course keep you all in the loop.

As always, thank you for reading.

Nothing to say

I promised I'd blog weekly again, no matter how little I have to say. I have nothing ground breaking or major to say.

• I gained a pound, but I had a high point day (on plan) the day before and I had just eaten lunch. 
• I've started to eat Avocados as a meal. YUM! 
• I still feeling great. 
• Still on plan. 
• Still taking my vitamins. 

Otherwise, move along folks, nothing to see here.

Thank you for reading.

Star Wars Day 2013

So happy Star Wars Day! May the 4th be with you! I am not afraid to let my geek flag fly!

Here are my thoughts for the week.

• Eating two Angus Deluxe snack wraps at McDonald's is three more points than a Angus Deluxe by itself. I usually order a snack wrap with a fruit and yogurt parfait, but they didn't have any berries, so I ordered two of the snack wraps. Not a good decision.
• I'm thinking about freezing chocolates because it will require me to really take my time to eat them frozen. I <3 the Weight Watchers Dark Chocolates.
• I found out that I lost 2.6 this week. So good to be on the way down. 27.4 pounds more to go til I can pick up where I left off
• Frace is good stuff and it's easy on points. It's fat free & sugar free soft serve frozen yogurt.
• It's just like old times in regards to Weight Watchers. So good to be back
• The single serve Skinny Cow ice creams are awesome! They're only four points! It's enough to keep me from buying a pint of the higher point stuff. If I bought a pint of the higher point stuff it lead to me eating the entire thing. Sharing a higher point version would work too.
• I still think my vitamins are keeping me on plan. If I don't take them I feel like pigging out uncontrollably.
• I survived my first charity walk. I walked three miles in memory of my Grandson in the March of Dimes March for Babies.
• I went on my first hike of the year. 30 pounds really makes a big difference.
• I need to track when I eat because if I don't I may forget to track something
• "The Place Beyond the Pines" is a good movie. Yes, it's not weight loss related, however, I am proud that such a good movie was shot here in the Capital Region. Thought it was worth a mention.

That's all.

Thank you for reading!

Plan of attack

Not sure how to format this post so I'm just going to put it all out there.

• Once I started taking my vitamins my voracious appetite went away.
• If I'm hungry between meals I'll eat one of those no sugar added fruit cups packed in water with some baby carrots
• It feels so good to be back on plan
• I've been weighing myself on different scales, that don't agree, so I really don't have any official weight loss yet, but I think I have lost some weight
• I'll be going to a meeting Monday
• I feel like I did before I started to have trouble.
• As I said on Twitter, I'm getting excited about losing weight again.

As promised, here I am!

So this is the report for this week.

• I started back on Weight Watchers a week ago today (Yay!)
• I haven't gained any weight since last week! (Yay!)
• Today, when I told my Doctor (Who's really a nurse practicioner) I had gained 30 pounds she said "We have to get that off you." (I agree)
• I see my Doctor again in three months and her goal for me is to lose 10 pounds. That's less than a pound a week. (I think I can do that)
• I told my Doctor I had lower back pain, which I thought was something else, but she confirmed it's only just me being fat (how disappointing)
• My Doctor and I discussed that my meds may be causing my weight gain, but we'll see. (I hope that doesn't happen)
• I ate like crazy today, then again. my Mom's been in town and I tend to eat like crazy when she's around no matter where I see her. (but that's no excuse)
• I'm working on formulating a way to get myself to stay away from temptation
• I'm going to start walking again soon (Maybe tomorrow)
• I have a charity walk to participate in next weekend and I'm afraid I can't do the entire 3 miles (I'll take my sweet time if I have to. It might be a serious wake up call.)

That's all!

Thank you for reading!

Rock bottom

I'm at 290 and this is where it ends. There is no way I'm going into the 300s. I've gained 30 pounds and I am so ashamed and feel like such a failure. I could blame it on my medication or I could blame it on stress. All I need to do is just take responsibility and stop.

When I started this blog I wanted to be as frank as possible and show my trials and tribulations and ups and down without holding back. Well, in the last six months I've been holding so much back and I feel like such a  phony.

I've been quiet lately because I've slowly been gaining weight. I hate how I posted so many false starts, that makes me feel like a big phony too.

For now on I will be posting every week and tell exactly what is happening. I will report if I'm eating like crazy, I will post if I gained and I will be reporting on how I feel. Even if it's only a few sentences. I will be more accountable. I probably should go to a meeting too.

This may be another false start, but I'm going to have to try.

As always thanks for reading.

Been kinda quiet

I don't know if anyone has noticed that I've been quiet. Without looking at my blog I don't know how long I've gone without posting something.

Quite frankly, blogging has become a chore. I'm just not feeling it. However, I'm not ready to sign off yet because I have extenuating circumstances. So, for an indefinite period of time I will not be posting every week. Don't count me out, I just won't be posting every week.

So, don't give up on me. Keep me on your Twitter and Facebook and anywhere else you hear from me. I will be back. Thank you all for hanging in and thank you for your patience ahead of time. I do plan on coming back weekly, however, I am taking this time now so I don't burn out. You will hear from me! Thank you.

As always, thank you for reading.

The Oscar Epiphany

So...

I've been struggling a lot lately. My eating has been crazy, I've been feeling sorry for myself and making excuses. I haven't stepped on a scale in a while and I didn't see any end in sight. I haven't been to a meeting in a few weeks either. So many times I wanted to give up in the last few weeks. I even wanted to stop blogging.

Well, tonight, while watching The Oscars tonight I had an amazing epiphany.

Being the musical lover I am, I was excited when John Travolta came on the stage and told about the musical number with Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jennifer Hudson and the stars of the movie Les Miserables. I figured it would be a wonderful tribute to modern movie musicals.

When Jennifer Hudson's part of the number came on they showed short snippets of the movie Dreamgirls. Immediately after that flash of her in the movie she started to sing.

I cried like a baby.

Yes, "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going". is a very emotional song. However, for me, it was more. Something clicked in my head once again.

The clip of the movie reminded me who she was, that beautiful young overweight woman who sang like nobody's business on American Idol who was voted off way too early who then went on to then become to win a Grammy award for her debut album, and won an Oscar for her role in Showgirls. Watching her sing on the Oscars reminded me of the woman who she is now, after losing all of that weight and becoming a Weight Watchers spokesperson. It reminded me that she was the reason that I started Weight Watchers; that I connected with those "new day" commercials she was in in 2011. Those commercials that launched me on this journey.

Through the tears, I remembered how good it felt to be all about Weight Watchers when I started the program. I remembered how great it was, although I wasn't at my goal weight, to be speaking as a success story in March of 2012. I remembered how good it felt as the pounds went away. I remembered how good it felt as my clothes got looser and got into smaller sizes. I remembered how good those non-scale victories felt. I remembered how great it felt to ride a roller coaster again in 2011. I remember how great it felt to sit on the floor comfortably to play with my Granddaughter for the first time this past September. I remember how good the journey felt and how it can feel good again. I remembered why I started on this journey and I decided I'm not about to go back. There's too much road ahead I have to cover. So many non-scale victories to achieve. So many things I want to do and keep doing.

What an amazing moment to get me out of my funk.

It's a new day!

Thank you for reading!

My real age

So, I just took a "Real age test". It said my "real age" is 40.9. That's fine because I will be turning 40 later this year. However, know that I took that same quiz years ago when I was really heavy and my real age was ten years older than I really was. That number freaked me out a bit, but it didn't make me change anything. I've come a long way. Amazing what changing your weight can do for you. That's all I've got for you.

Thank you for reading.

Sometimes you just can't

It's been often said that losing weight is not easy. Well, sometimes life is not easy either and can seem pretty insurmountable. There are days I feel like I'm not worthy having you all read my every word. There are some days I feel very vulnerable and I feel like letting it all hang out is too much.

I know you're all out there cheering me on and I appreciate it. However, know that I'm not Superwoman.

My life has been less than stellar since November and there seems to be a never ending black cloud over my life. Part of that black cloud is something I can't come out and talk about on my blog. Although I pour my heart out on my blog week after week there are some things that I will never talk about. However, there is one thing that I want to talk about so badly, but it could completely change what people think about me

That thing is something that can literally put my life at risk and could destroy my life. Keep in mind that the talking about it could not destroy my life or put my life at risk, it's the thing that would. It's something that would be considered brave to talk about. That thing can really tear me apart and the treatment can cause me to gain weight, it can also increase my appetite.

So, when you see my accomplishments keep in mind that I've had way more than just overeating to overcome. I've had to overcome this other medical problem. My medical problem did not flare up til March of last year and that is where I started having problems. My medical problem can be fine for years. In fact, it was fine for many years and now, it's left me in shambles once again.

I haven't stepped on a scale since I proclaimed my 16 pound gain. So, I don't know if I've gained or lost. If I've done anything I've either gained or stayed the same because I'm still on maintenance. Right now I feel I need to get this medical problem under control before I worry about anything else because stress can exacerbate the problem.

So. I'll mull over if I should talk about my medical problem on here or not. It could make for an interesting post. However, I don't know if it's worth the risk


Thank you so much for reading.